by Joselito Banono, Jr.
I vividly remember the year 2020 when the world outside my window raged with the uncertainty and isolation of the pandemic. In those challenging times, I sought solace in the gentle embrace of writing a journal. Little did I know that these intimate moments of self-reflection would lead me on a profound journey of rediscovering myself, ultimately bringing me back to the forgotten echoes of my inner child.
As I allowed myself to peel back the layers of adulthood, I found myself returning to a time before responsibility and societal expectations had taken hold. I unveiled the child I had never fully known—a child I once yearned to break free from the chains of adulthood, the joy he had missed, and the innocent dreams cast aside in the pursuit of survival.
My father’s battle with alcoholism weighed heavily on our family, leaving us in perpetual financial hardship. Most of his earnings were squandered on alcohol, making it impossible to save money. Our impoverished status became a stark reality, a constant reminder of the detrimental effects of his addiction. I learned early on that I couldn’t afford the luxury of carefree moments like my peers—I had to grow up quickly to adapt and navigate a world plagued by poverty, uncertainty, and emotional turbulence.
Hand-me-downs and donated clothes were a familiar sight in my closet during my formative years. While my classmates revealed parties, vacations, and indulgent birthdays, I could only dream of such extravagance. My mind was preoccupied with my family’s struggles and our daily challenges. The simple joys seemed elusive, distant dreams at that time.
At 16, I was fortunate to receive a government scholarship that granted me to continue higher education. While this was an incredible opportunity, I realized that the allowances were not sufficient to support all of my necessities and cover the costs of going to college. Determined to help myself and my studies, I embarked on a journey as a working student during my sophomore year. I took up a job as a call center agent, working night shifts while attending classes during the day. Eventually, the conflicting schedules forced me to quit, knowing that sacrificing my scholarships for work would hinder my chances of obtaining a stable job in the future. Despite the financial struggles, I believed completing my college education would open doors to a more secure future. To supplement my allowances, I found a sideline job tutoring preschoolers. At such a young age, I took on roles and responsibilities typically reserved for grown-ups.
As the years passed, I began working as a human resource specialist in a BPO company, finally able to afford some of the things I had longed for. Yet, the embers of my neglected inner child glowed brighter, urging me to reclaim what was lost. I indulged in buying new clothes, embarking on vacation trips, and purchasing gadgets and books that reignited my spirit. These were the luxuries I yearned for as a child but never had the chance to experience. Each cherished item soared my heart higher, gradually healing the wounds of the past as I nurtured the innocence that had been neglected. I even allowed myself to celebrate birthdays surrounded by laughter and merriment, something I had never truly experienced growing up. These small but meaningful moments became my way of reclaiming the dreams I once thought were elusive and lost within my heart.
I remember writing a poem to my inner child, a personal remembrance of how I learned to nurture myself through my childhood I challenges, taking on the responsibility of financially providing for my family. It was an expression of my strength and independence:
“He was delicate as a flower,
Yet as strong as his roots.
He was his own flower gardener,
Taking care of his buds,
Until he blooms.”
Reflecting on those years, I have realized that while I might have lost out on some aspects of a typical childhood, I learned valuable perspectives on life. I developed my kindness and empathy for others who carried their own burdens. The struggles I encountered along the way have shaped me into the person I am now by instilling a solid appreciation for persistence and independence.
N ow, I’ve welcomed the chance to reclaim the innocent wonder, playfulness, and curiosity that eluded me during my early years. I cherish the simple pleasures, savor the moments of playfulness, and adopt the carefree spirit that was temporarily overshadowed by responsibility. Although I cannot turn back the hands of time, I can choose to embrace the child within me. I carry the lessons learned from my unconventional childhood, allowing them to guide me as I strive to balance maturity with the joyful innocence that resides deep within.
Joselito Banono, Jr. is a licensed psychologist, psychometrician, educator, international speaker, and certified specialist in social psychology. He is presently pursuing a PhD in Psychology at Silliman University.